The gospel reading for Sunday, Matthew14:22-33 describes what it feels like to be sinking, without faith and hope. This ancient text is spot on as it describes the often-dark reality of our contemporary lives when we lose our way and take our heart and eyes off Jesus.
In this scene our good friend Peter really wants to follow Jesus however doubt and debilitating fear takes over and he loses his way. Initially Peter, somewhat unexpectedly, asks Jesus to command him to leave the boat and walk toward him. Peter enthusiastically jumps out of the boat which is being tossed about in heavy seas and walks on the water towards Jesus. This is a moment of triumphant for Peter. But the moment he looks to the strong wind and takes his eyes off Jesus, doubt like a pernicious anaesthetic, engulfs him and he begins to sink.
I know that chaos and uncertainty. I know the shock of the icy water as the ground beneath your feet falls away and you’re pulled under. Peter’s fear and vulnerability speak directly to my lived experienced. I remember a time when my son’s had significant health issues and I couldn’t see any light. I was mesmerised by the strong wind.
In that moment of freefall; Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’
I am reminded of Michael Fallon reflection on this Scripture moment. “There is a divine wisdom in the timing of grace and it seems that we must all go through a dark night to make us realise that we are totally incapable of reaching our destination on out own, and we are quite incapable on our own of letting go and admitting our own powerlessness.”
Perhaps it’s when we acknowledge our powerlessness, we are ready to embrace the saving hand of Jesus. Sometimes Jesus prompts the saving hand of friends and strangers and loved ones to whisper; “hear take my hand, you’re ok.”
Virginia Ryan